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sh1-n0bu · 2 years ago

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♡︎ 𝙗𝙖𝙗𝙮 𝙢𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙖 ♡︎

characters: priest!sub!blade x demon lord!nb!dom!reader

warnings: breeding, creampie, eating out, fingering, squirting, monsterfucking, non-verbal ask of consent, dirty talk, feminization (like literally), lactating, nipple stimulation, overstimulation, dacryphilia, size kink, belly bulge, cervix kissing, blade is a demon hunting priest, reader is a demon lord so they can choose whether to have a cock or pussy so basically genderfluid reader???? also reader changes blade’s anatomy to have a pussy and womb — it’s so messy okay😭😭

word count: 4.4K

notes: you KNOW shit is getting real when nobu starts word count. never thought i would be writing a bit of a dark-ish content yet here we are. the power of the horny😔 also inspired by my chat with one of ririshizu’s bots

special thank you to @theblades and @yenaakwyl for proofreading a whole damn 14 pages of filth

being a priest is no laughing matter. especially when you’re the type of priest that hunts and gets rid of demons who somehow ended up with a demon lord clinging to you, who’s constantly at your side, asking you questions about the human realm.

what was up with you, anyways? a literal demon lord, one of the lords of a deadly sin and yet here you were, dragging him around the streets, pointing at random things, wanting to sample every street food there were. sure, your human form was incredibly deceiving. a short, sweet human, clinging to his arm, excitedly pointing at the many different things that caught your attention. it would be hard for anyone to think of you as a demon lord in disguise.

except for blade. he’s been in this field of work for such a long time. constantly vanquishing demons who either were too annoying or possessed a poor, curious soul. the sharp edge of his shard sword is no laughing matter.

but you didn’t seem to mind. this demon lord, acting like a curious puppy, pulling him to each sides of the streets — ignoring the loud angry shouts of the car drivers and the constantly thinning of his wallet of course. not that blade had much to worry when it came to financial freedom. putting his life on the line and vanquishing demons from the human realm pays a generous amount.

it felt wrong to allow you to cling to him. you, a demon lord, no matter what your disguises meant or whatever pathetic excuse you came up with of wanting to sample human food. he should have gotten rid of you sooner yet no matter how much his hands twitch to unsheathe his shard sword, he just can’t seem to do it. no matter what his threats may seem or be heard of, the priest just can’t bring himself to harm you. if anything, he finds himself doing the absolute opposite, to his blatant horror.

“wait, no, don’t do that. the water just boiled so it’s hot, it could burn your tongue”

“you do realize that ice isn’t meant to be eaten, right? no, i don’t care how much of a pretty shape it’s in or if it still has the aftertaste of the coffee”

“if you eat too much raw red pepper, you could have a heart stroke. 14 is enough on one sitting. give it here”

yes, you get the point. a priest vanquishing demon, living together with a demon lord and even protecting them. hypocritical, right?

one night, as you two were cuddling on the couch and absentmindedly watching cliche horror movies that has demons with red skin and horns and a tail, that reminded something to blade. demons have unique demon forms depending on their sins and ‘birth’. but you never once showed an ounce of your demon form. not even a single slip-up.

“hmm? why do you ask? curious?” you hum softly, taking another fistful of the popcorn in the bowl. not that blade minded. if anything, he unconsciously pushed the bowl of popcorn closer to you.

“i guess so. you never even spoke of your demon form whether it has a tail or not” the priest mumbles, his husky voice turning softer just for a moment. or maybe he was just sleepy, judging by his dark eye-bags and little yawns.

oh right, you never did. but then again, blade never asked of your demon form before so, it’s to be expected after all.

just as blade had shrugged off your silence and turned his attention back to the tv, he felt something slithering around his waist. swallowing the sudden lump in his throat, he briefly looks down at what was wrapping around his waist. there, snug around his hips was a long, pale white, scaled, snake-like tail. it seemed incredibly long, judging by how it easily wrapped around his hips few times and the rest was just dangling off of the side of the couch.

was this…?

he could feel his hand twitch. itching, something under his skin itching of wanting to reach down and run his hand over the smooth looking scales of the tail.

pat! pat pat!

before blade could even make sense of what the fuck he just did, his hand had unconsciously unraveled from it’s former crossed position. one hand going down, flattening his palm over the smooth, large tail before giving it a few pats. at the same time, he could hear another low pat pat! sounds coming from the side of the couch. must be your tail ends flicking and hitting against the couch, he deducted.

briefly, blade steals a glance at your face. still watching the movie on the TV, seemingly paying no mind to the feeling of his human hand resting over your tail. it was oddly warm to the touch. from the look of it resembling a snake like tail, he expected it to be cold.

slowly, he runs his hand over the scales. soft, smooth and easily gliding over them as if it was nothing. sure, some bumps are felt on the palm of his hand but other than the occasional little ridges, it was completely smooth. how… soothing.

blade doesn’t know how or when but over the course of time you spent at his apartment, these little moments of playing with your tail had become a normal occurrence. little moments of “affection” if you will. fridays had become the weekly movie nights. blade would put on some random horror movie that you chose to be the most interesting based on the summary of the movie. half an hour or so into the movie and blade would feel the familiar scales of your tail wrap around his hips.

the priest would sometimes toy with your tail in hopes of getting you to show your true color of being a demon lord. to make you angry. to make you snap and finally show your true colors. if anything, it had the complete opposite effect as your tail only tightened around him. low, deep rumbling sounds akin to a purr coming from the depths of your chest.

briefly, the priest would catch himself wondering how it would feel to lay his head on your chest as you purr. cats have de-stressing and soothing qualities to their purrs. would demons be the same? sometimes, he would even catch himself thinking of… sacrilegious things. like how your tail would feel wrapped around his legs, opening him up for you. how your form could shapeshift and could have a human male’s anatomy. would you purposefully make it big? would you force it past his twitching rim, uncaring of his whines and pleads to wait?

ah, but that sounded so unlike you. despite being a demon lord, you have been nothing but calm and peaceful with blade. soft hums, nods of agreement, always needing his help and inquiring him of his thoughts on something.

then, would you coax him? whispering soft reassurances in the shell of his ear as you softly push your cock inch by inch inside him. a large, clawed, inhuman hand running over his stomach, talking about all sorts of things, promising to breed him full of your seeds as he cries. opening his legs wide with your tail wrapped around his thighs, wiping away his tears as he cries so prettily?

“f-fuck…” unknowingly, blade found himself with a little problem. another movie night, another time spent together ‘cuddling’. yet due to his own thoughts, blade finds himself embarrassingly hard. shit, he needed to find a way to leave the room and take care of his problem. but your tail way starting to curl around him in loops, just like how a snake would wrap itself around it’s prey.

did you know? know of his raging hard on and was just teasing him now? no. taking a brief glance at your face caused blade to come to a conclusion that you didn’t know. yet. that was the biggest part. or maybe you did considering just how your tail was moving around his waist. slipping under the hem of his shirt, slipping up, curling around his body under his shirt. scale coming in contact with skin. blade almost let out a moan at the feeling if it weren’t for him biting down on his lips.

“[n-name], get your tail off. i need to use the bathroom” internally cursing himself out for stuttering, blade can only hope that you would oblige. gods, just the way you let out a soft “hmm?” while playing innocent, smiling at him and blinking like nothing happened while your tail curls around his skin.

fuck, he was done for. you knew. you fucking knew.

“are you sure? your body seems to react positively from the amount of human interaction that i’ve had until now, blade” the end of your tail circles around his peck. slowly trailing the end as if you were going to squeeze—

“n-ngaah?!” a surprised noise comes from the priest’s mouth before he clenches his jaws shut, brows furrowing together as he tries to ignore the feeling on his chest. soft and slow circles. the end of your tail was wrapped around his nipple, pulling and rolling it between as if it was nothing. shit, when did his chest get so sensitive?

“oh that was a cute sound. do it again” you hum, turning away from the TV and looking at him now. curse you for looking so damn interested and curious as your tail fondles his nubs. blade can feel his pants starting to form a wet patch as his breathing becomes more labored.

“t-take… your goddamn tail off. i swear, i’ll ghh—! chop it into pieces…!” despite his best efforts, his words had no bite. just weak mumblings of a pathetic excuse of a priest being turned on as a literal demon lord tugs at his nipple. he was even starting to quietly whine in place as he tries to swallow down his moans.

“say, blade. i read from somewhere that human chest can lactate when stimulated enough. can you lactate?” blade almost shrieked at your words. lactating? him? while it was true that human women can lactate if they gave birth, he was unsure about men being able to lactate.

“n-no! can’t! i’m a man, it’s impossible for my chest to produce mi—ungh!” his words die quickly in his throat when your tail clenched around his nipple tightly. pulling on it, familiar to a pinching motion. since when did his body get so sensitive like this? or was this all your doing? did you secretly put a spell on him to make him sensitive?

“stop..! [n-name] stop ooungh! please, stop! i’m telling you, i’m a man. i can’t lactate like a woman!” his pleads fall on deaf ears as you slip his shirt off over his head. instead this time, using your hands to knead and fondle his pecks. squeezing, rolling his sensitive nubs between your fingers, even tugging on them. it all got blade letting out uncharacteristic high pitched noises like a cat in heat.

“p-please… stop this, [name]..” blade trails off, red in the face, shame, embarrassment and arousal swirling in his stomach like a hot bubbling lava as he admits defeat and whines helplessly.

“then wriggle yourself out of my tail. it’s loose around you, bladie” you briefly retort as you suckle on his nipple. mouth latched to his chest, biting and planting wet kisses all around his soft pink areola. as weak as his whimpers and pathetic his begging were, he really wasn’t making a single attempt to pull back. you have given him enough chances even now as your tail stays loose around him. yet he still tries to act like he hates it.

switching between giving attention to his two nipples with blade not even thinking of pulling himself out of your tail, the movie plays in the background, long forgotten. you were determined to make this weird human of yours lactate. you can make him!

it didn’t took much longer until blade let out a yelp as a warm liquid drops in your mouth. the taste oddly sweet and a bit thick in texture. realizing that his chest was feeling much more heavier and nipples felt more wetter than before, the priest’s eyes widen in horror and arousal. did you really managed to stimulate him enough to make him lactate?

“oh? so, i was right! humans can lactate regardless of their gender” you let out a soft giggle, internally cheering as a bright smile comes across your face. the sheer amount of exuberance you showed in his lactation had caused blade to feebly attempt to cover his chest.

“don’t! don’t look… it’s embarrassing…” the man whines, shaking hands covering up his leaking nubs. but that proves to be futile as his hands covering his chest had caused him to twitch. everything felt so much and so little at the same time. his poor cock was neglected and weeping, staining his pants as you stimulate his nipples as he whines.

this wasn’t supposed to happen! he wasn’t supposed to be this sensitive to your touches.

but the leaking of his milk had seemed to cause something to stir in your chest. an odd sense of possessiveness and need to claim him growing in your heart, tugging at it. laying your palm flat against his stomach, you rub slow circles onto it. somehow, it had helped to lessen blade’s embarrassment.

“bladie, how would you feel if i were to make you my baby momma?” your voice cuts him out of the trance like state he was in. blinking his eyes a few times with a weak “huh?” as if he hadn’t heard you. with a quiet chuckle, you ask again. repeating the question to him slowly in case he was too pleasure driven.

baby momma? but that’s something that people refer to when women get pregnant right? were you referring to making him pregnant? but that was impossible! he was a man and men had different anatomy compared to women’s!

“i can use a few spells. you would have a female anatomy. but only if you wish to be my baby momma. i would take good care of you and the kids, we’d be together as a cute family. don’t you think we’d be a cute family, blade?” he could briefly hear you hum. but the rest of your words flew over his head since the female anatomy part.

a female anatomy. blade would have a pussy, a womb, cervix the perfect anatomy to get pregnant. he would be a cute baby momma. your baby momma. and he would carry your kids. a child who was half you and half him, a cute bundle of sunshine.

“please… please do. make me your baby momma. i wanna be your b-baby momma..!” blade nods frantically, not even bothering to think over the consequences too deeply. but the prospect of having your kids, of having you inside him got blade rubbing his thighs together, head spinning with all sorts of thoughts as his breathing becomes labored. you said you would take good care of him and the kids! he’ll be in good hands.

although a part of his brain was screaming at him, telling him to withdraw from the touch of your palm running over his stomach, changing his insides, blade could only sit there dumbly. a baby. a cute baby that you two made together. it would be so sweet, so cute. blade couldn’t wait any longer as he silences the logical part of his brain. all he wanted was you now. just you and nothing else.

the process didn’t take long. a few strokes of your hand and soothing whispers to his ear and it was done. or at least, from what you said. and oh fuck, was it true. when you tugged his pants and boxers off, what greeted both of your eyes was a slick pussy, dripping with arousal. seeing how you had successfully changed him, the priest lets out a weak whine, closing his legs to hide himself.

you didn’t seem to like that. clicking your teeth as your tail wraps around his leg, pulling his legs apart and allowing your hungry eyes to feast on his dripping cunt. blade couldn’t help his whine as the feeling of being so empty took place in his head. or was it inside his womb that he felt so empty?

“so sweet. you would look so cute with my cum dripping out of you” you mutter, running a finger up his wet pussy. the action got his hips twitching, trying to make you push your finger inside himself. tutting softly, reminding him to be patient, you slowly ease a finger in. oh gods, the stretch felt so good. so full and filled already despite it being just a single finger that was now slowly massaging his plush walls.

the soft whines and gasps coming out of blade turns into a moan as he throws his head back on the couch. long, navy hair spreading over the mattress as your fingers scissor him open. you would have expected him to be more… reclusive considering his usual act. perhaps you were wrong. the way that blade was throwing his head back, moaning without shame as his warm walls suck your fingers in greedily caused you to almost mistaken him for a virgin. or maybe he was just touch starved. poor thing.

cooing words of how he was doing good, how his gushy cunt was sucking in your fingers so prettily, you lean down to pepper kisses on his clit. long, forked tongue coming out momentarily to slip inside him with your fingers, constantly flicking his clit. the action caused to have made him oversensitive. strong, scarred thighs coming up to wrap around your head, a hand fisting at your locks as loud, pathetic whines of “c-can’t! feelss sho weird! [n-name], can’t—gyuuck! aanh aah♡︎!!” trails off into a high pitched whines as his hips jerk. legs clamping around your head in a vice grip, fisting at your locks tightly as his back arches off of the couch so prettily as he squirts in your mouth. ah right, in your own haze, you’ve forgotten and accidentally pushed your tongue in too far, hitting his g-spot.

well, that was fine. the cold priest sounded so cute and tasted delicious as he twitches under you. it would be fine to fuck him open with your tongue and prepare him thoroughly.

blade doesn’t know what to think anymore. was he even able to think? all he could do was to moan and shriek, trashing about on the bed as something deep and long slithers inside him. his cunt was being fucked open, wet sounds coming out as he gushes all over your mouth, tongue and chin. fluids dribbling down to your chin as you continue to force his legs open with your tail, arms wrapped around his waist and pulling him back into your mouth and fingers.

by the time you thought of him as prepped enough and pull your tongue and fingers out, blade could only weakly whine at the feeling of something pulling out of his warm insides. legs shaking, face flushed as dried tear stains cover his cheeks. his pretty red eyes looked so hazy, mind filled with cotton and statics. you haven’t even gotten to the main part yet!

blade feels something wrap around him. something bigger, warmer and gentle. clawed hands wrapping around his slender waist, pulling him against a massive frame. was this… was he on your real form right now?

tilting his head back to look at you, his hunch proves to be correct. no longer were you in your small human disguise. large, pale white figure with horns, tail and claw holding him in a safe cocoon in it’s embrace. despite having deep hatred against your kin, the priest couldn’t bring himself to hate you. instead, he oddly found your real form beautiful.

“huh…?” his thought gets cut off short when he feels something poke at his entrance. looking down, a sharp gasp escapes him. by the gods were you huge. girthy and long, thick with need and ready to fill him to the brim with your seeds. blade wasn’t sure if he could take such a large thing inside himself as he instinctively shut his legs close.

almost as if sensing his inner worries, you place a hand over his stomach, other hand spreading his legs wider to make it easier for you to slip in.

“don’t worry, pet. i’ll make sure it fits” your deeper, almost inhuman voice hums right beside his ear, sending shivers down his spine. although your words were soothing, the large tip of your cock pushing past his walls, opening his cunt wider was definitely not comforting. fuck, just the tip inside and blade was already thrashing about, shaking his head and stuttering out how he can’t fit it inside him.

“w-wait! w-won’t hhgh fit! ish too big! too bigtoobigtoobig—! m-my lo—oough! aanh! ish t-too fu-uck! big♡︎♡︎” the human squeals, cries, sobs and moans. loud lecherous noises coming from both his mouth and cunt. wet noises flooding the room alongside the low grunts and deep growls. you sounded inhumane, you felt inhumane but blade loved it all the more. the priest loved being spread open by your large cock, pushing past his hole, feeling his plushy walls and insides. ah, he could die happily filled to the brim like this.

finally, after long minutes of slowly easing yourself inside, you managed to fit your cock inside him. snug to the brim, tip kissing his cervix and making blade squeal. legs shaking and twitching, he came on your cock again at the feeling of your tip kissing his cervix. he saw that you were big but not this big! gods, he felt so damn full.

“so pretty, my mate. so full of me and i haven’t even fucked you properly yet” you grunt, deep, inhumane voice breathing by his ear and making him shake and twitch in your grasp like a sweet fawn. blade wouldn’t mind being a sacrificial lamb to you.

through tear stained eyes and blurry vision, he could make out the faint outline of your cock in his stomach. you were too big to the point your were causing a bulge inside him by just slipping your cock inside. how full would he feel after you have properly made him a baby momma? cunt weeping out a mixture of your cum, belly bulging so cutely. just the imagination of such action made blade buck his hips weakly. too fucked out to even utter a word.

feeling the pathetic excuse of movement of your cock, you let out a low laugh. tail wrapped around one of his legs, the other held open by your hand as you finally bounce him on your cock. slowly, slipping yourself in and out and yet the priest in your hand was sobbing as he blabbers deliriously about being fucked dumb on your cock. of having your babies inside his own womb. of being your sweet mate.

blade was a big guy. in human terms and physique wise, he was big. and yet in your lap, held open by your hands, back to your chest as he allows himself to be dumbed down on your girth made blade realize just how damn small he was compared to you. sure, he was big in human terms but compared to you, he was absolutely nothing. just a small hole for you to use. a fleshlight to be filled with your cum until you were satisfied. your baby momma to have his chest fondled and squeezed until his chest grows sore and heavy. milk leaking out it small globs from his sensitive pink nipples.

“my pet. my cute mate. my sweet other half. my adorable breeding bitch uhng… so fucking tight. so warm and tight like the cute little thing you are” blade could briefly hear you groan, heavy breaths falling on his neck, making him shiver at each breaths. making him cry and moan in a shrill voice like a girl each time your cock slid inside him. plunging deeper into parts he never knew before, grazing that one soft spot that made him shriek, tip hitting his cervix at each thrust. blade was so sure that it was bruised now. not that he minded it, the pain felt good to him.

“y-yours—! yours yours yours! your c-cute ma—aaanhg! aaanh haagh gyaaamf♡︎ y-your mate. your oouungh other half. y-your adorable♡︎ breeding bitch—!” blade’s mouth fell open in a silent scream, head throwing back to your shoulder when he felt your hand press on the bulge in his stomach. it felt good. so good that he immediately squirted on your cock again at the sheer pleasure the pressure brought.

but of course you wouldn’t stop. you would keep going, forcing his small body to bounce on your cock, occasionally tweaking his nipples, rolling his clit between your fingers. you were damn adamant on making him pregnant, breed him until you were damn sure he was knocked up.

he was yours. your human. your mate. your fated other half. your cute breeding bitch and you would be damned all over again if he ends up not getting pregnant by the time you’re done. blade was yours. no one else would ever take him away from you. no one. no one no one no one, no one else—

“AAANGH! M-MY LORD♡︎ c-cock giick! sho full…” the human shrieks and twitches in your grasp, legs weakly thrashing around as you finally cum deep inside him. the warmth of your seed spurting inside his gummy walls, painting his insides white causing blade to cum again. blade felt so full, the skin of his stomach stretching a bit to accommodate to the great amount of cum that was inside him. it felt so warm and sticky. messy, as it dribbles down your shaft, his small human body unfit to keep it all inside himself.

“my cute mate…” you purr softly, arms wrapping around your mate as he twitches and shakes. cheeks stained with old and new tears, jaws slack with drool dribbling down with his face as red as his eyes. he was yours now. blade was your human now. the weird priest was yours and no one would ever take him away from you.

“mine” with that final declaration, you placed a soft kiss to the crown of his head. he seemed to relax at the kiss, sinking against your chest as he black out. that was fine. you’ll make sure to breed him again once he wakes up.

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fuckingrecipes · 8 months ago

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Cooking question I'm too embarrassed to ask someone IRL: how easy or hard is it to accidentally poison yourself?

I know not to eat things that are too old (past the best-by date, changed color etc), I know not to eat things that were burned. I know to be careful about handling raw meat. I know how to store leftovers. I know to pay attention to instructions on the package and to check if the package is damaged etc.

But at the same time... well, a lot of cooking advice I've seen over the years includes some variation of "try things out, see what you like!" and I'd kind of like to do that. But if the results turn out inedible, I'd like them to be "inedible" as in "tastes very bad" and not "inedible" as in "going to upset your stomach" or "send you to the hospital"

If I try to cook/bake/roast/fry/whatever a food that can be eaten raw, like fruit, what are the odds that the result will be safe to eat?

What about lettuce? I'm aware it would probably taste bad, but would it be safe to try?

If I mix random liquid-y things from my pantry to make a sauce for whatever vegetables&meat I'm frying, what are the odds the result would be safe to eat? (Assuming all the components are edible by themself, I'm NOT talking about cleaning solutions or dish soap or whatever)

What might be some questions I don't even know I should check?

If I try to cook/bake/roast/fry/whatever a food that can be eaten raw, like fruit, what are the odds that the result will be safe to eat? If I mix random liquid-y things from my pantry to make a sauce for whatever vegetables&meat I'm frying, what are the odds the result would be safe to eat?

100% safe. There is a ZERO (0%) percent chance of accidentally creating a poison when cooking a safe-to-eat-raw food item.

You're not going to accidentally create a poison when you mix spices, sauces, or various edible ingredients together.

It's just not how chemistry works. With no exception I can think of, you can't take one safe-to-eat plant or animal and cook it or mix it with another in a way that will create a toxic substance.

Cooking lettuce to eat is safe. Cooking whole fruit is safe. Mixing a hundred sauces together is safe. Go for it.

I could take a sample of every single individually edible item in my fridge, pantry, and spice cabinet, blend it all into a big slurry, cook it & eat a portion of that concoction with confidence that I won't die from it. While it may be gross and taste bad, it won't actually harm me. It won't be a poison, no matter how many different types of food ingredients are tossed into the pot.

I cannot guarantee that you will never upset your stomach, because you could be sensitive to or allergic to an ingredient that I don't know about. It's not a poison to all humans, but it'd be uncomfortable to you. You can only learn about that through experience.

What CAN be dangerous:

Improper sterilization and improper technique can accidentally leave poison-producing bacteria or mold to breed when canning or fermenting foods.

Eating large amounts of a couple specific foods can be risky. There's not a lot of these, so here's a list of the big names to keep an eye on:

Cassia (common) cinnamon has a chemical that is toxic in larger quantities, but harmless in small quantities. If you eat 2 teaspoons a day, every day, you'll run into trouble. If you use Ceylon cinnamon instead, you can eat pretty much as much as you want.

Don't eat a whole nutmeg. It's wonderful when used sparingly, but can be poisonous in large amounts. Same rule as Cassia cinnamon: 2 teaspoons a day, every day, will get you into trouble. Eat less or less often.

Eating too much Liver (the organ) can cause copper toxicity and Vitamin A toxicity. It's great for you when added to a meal once a week, or a couple times a month, but shouldn't be eaten daily or in huge amounts.

Don't swallow cherry pits. They're generally harmless when swallowed whole, because they pass through digestion unscathed, but if they're crushed or cracked open first they release a compound that turns into cyanide when digested. Our body handles cyanide pretty well, but 4-5 cracked pits can become harmful. So: Don't chew them, and don't swallow them on purpose.

There are some foods which need special preparation to be made safe. They're safe COOKED, but not RAW.

Cooked beans & legumes are safe to eat. But if you're starting from a totally DRY bean or lentil (canned are pre-cooked) make sure to soak them in water for several hours and boil until they're FULLY COOKED before you eat. (Fully cooked is when you can crush them easily with a fork, with no gritty or hard center) Undercooked or uncooked beans & legumes can fuck up your guts real good. Very painful, horribly unpleasant, but probably won't kill you.

Cassava (the root vegetable that tapioca is made from) MUST be thoroughly cooked before eating. Raw cassava can be toxic. It's another cyanide bro.

Don't eat raw potatoes - always cook them. If your potatoes have sprouted, don't eat the sprouts & peel any green skin off. Tbh tho, an adult would need to eat at least a pound of green potatoes to get sick. Be reasonably cautious about it. Don't feed green potatoes to small children.

Note: This advice is intended for someone who shops at a grocery for their food, not someone who is foraging for ingredients or is growing their own. There's a lot more opportunities to poison yourself when working with whole plants in the wild, and not the prepared-for-sale ones at a store.

#food safety #cooking #kitchen tips #fuckingrecipes

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heartsriki · 4 months ago

Text

CANDY HEARTS ⌇마음

FLIRT ALERT! series⌇Sim Jaeyun | Next

pairing ᝰ jake x fem!reader | word count: 4.0k+

⌇ … warnings & genre ↺ co-workers to lovers, fluff, kissing, light teasing, semi-oblivious reader.

synopsis — You and Jake are co-workers at a candy shop. You are content by just doing your job, until someone leaves little candy hearts with cheesy, cryptic messages for you every shift. At first, You think it’s just a quirky joke—until the messages start feeling a little too personal, and you begin to wonder if this is more than just fun and games.

lee's ₊˚⊹ ᰔ comment ┊guys this might be my favorite fic Ive written.. may this love find me (PLEASEUHH)

The first time it happened, you didn’t think much of it.

It was a slow afternoon at Sugar Rush, the tiny candy shop where you worked part-time. The scent of warm caramel and melted chocolate clung to the air, mixing with the faint tartness of fruit gummies from the bins near the register. You were restocking a jar of cinnamon drops when you noticed a small candy heart sitting beside the cash register, pastel pink with tiny white letters stamped across it.

You Make Me Melt.

You assumed it had fallen out of a bag, maybe left behind by a customer. It wasn’t unusual for people to sneak a piece or two while browsing, even though there were very clear “NO SAMPLES” signs posted all over the place. With a shrug, you popped it into your pocket and moved on.

The second time, you started to wonder.

This time, the candy heart was perched on the tip jar, wedged between a crumpled dollar bill and some loose quarters. It was green, a little faded, and read: You’re My Favorite Treat.

You frowned, glancing around the shop. Jake was a few feet away, lazily refilling a bin of sour belts. He had a bad habit of getting distracted, usually by sneaking a few pieces for himself, but at the moment, he seemed content just swaying along to the pop song playing through the store’s speakers.

“Hey, Jake,” you called, holding up the tiny candy. “Did you leave this here?”

He turned, eyebrows raised, then took a few steps closer, peering at the candy heart in your palm. “Hmm,” he hummed, lips twitching like he was fighting a smile. “Looks like someone’s got a secret admirer.”

You rolled your eyes. “Right. Because nothing screams romance like mass-produced sugar with weird messages on them.”

Jake grinned. “Hey, don’t underestimate the power of candy. Love and sugar go hand in hand.”

You huffed, but didn’t push further. Maybe someone really had left it there by accident. Or maybe Jake was just messing with you—he was the type to do something like that just to see how long it would take you to notice. Either way, you tossed the heart aside and got back to work.

But then it kept happening.

Every shift, without fail, another candy heart would appear. Sometimes on the register, sometimes on the shelf beside the fudge display, once even in your apron pocket. They were never the generic ‘Be Mine’ messages. No, these were different. More… personal and sometimes they even came with notes.

Bet You Think This is a Coincidence.

You hum when you count the register, did you notice that?

Your nose scrunches when you’re trying not to laugh.

I like the way you say my name.

That last one made you stop.

You turned the tiny candy over between your fingers, a slow warmth creeping up your neck. This wasn’t just a random joke anymore. Whoever was leaving these wasn’t playing around.

the message was staring back at you like it was waiting for you to put the pieces together. But you didn’t. It was just a dumb piece of candy, right? A quirky prank, maybe. Nothing more.

Still, the words lingered longer than you wanted them to.

Shaking it off, you shoved the candy into your apron pocket and turned your attention back to the shelves. The display of chocolate truffles had gotten messy again—probably thanks to the group of kids who’d come in earlier, pressing their sticky fingers against the glass case while begging their parents for more sweets. You crouched down, carefully rearranging the rows, making sure each piece was perfectly aligned.

From behind you, Jake’s voice cut through the quiet hum of the shop.

“You know, you’re really dedicated to those chocolates.”

You rolled your eyes but didn’t turn around. “Well, considering I work here, yeah. Kind of comes with the job.”

Jake chuckled. “Sure, but I’ve never seen someone so passionate about symmetry. It’s almost impressive.”

You heard the sound of a stool scraping against the floor and knew without looking that he’d made himself comfortable on the other side of the counter. He had a habit of doing that—watching you work instead of doing his own tasks. Not that he was lazy. If anything, Jake was weirdly good at his job when he actually put in the effort. But more often than not, he liked to hover, cracking jokes and tossing gummy bears in the air like he had all the time in the world.

“You’re just looking for an excuse to get out of stocking the licorice again,” you muttered.

“Maybe.” His tone was light, teasing. “Or maybe I just enjoy watching you concentrate so hard. It’s like… adorable but also kind of terrifying.”

You scoffed and finally turned to look at him. He was perched on the stool, elbow resting against the counter, his fingers idly spinning a wrapped caramel. His brown eyes glinted with amusement, but there was something else there too—something unreadable.

For half a second, you wondered—

No.

No, this was Jake. The same guy who once spent an entire shift trying to convince you that the gummy worms were alive. The same guy who had gotten his hand stuck in a taffy machine and acted like it was the funniest thing in the world. The same guy who—

“You’re staring.”

You blinked, heat creeping up your neck. “I’m not.”

Jake smirked. “Pretty handsome, right?”

“Shut up.” You huffed and turned back to your chocolates, determined to ignore him. “Go do your job, Jake.”

“Yes, boss,” he said, and you could hear the laughter in his voice.

As you straightened up, you noticed something out of the corner of your eye—a tiny, heart-shaped candy resting near the caramel display, just barely visible behind a stack of boxes. A fresh one.

You swallowed, glancing toward Jake, who was now whistling as he walked toward the licorice section.

You shook your head. No way.

It was probably just a coincidence.

The rest of the shift passed in a comfortable rhythm—restocking shelves, ringing up customers, and trying not to get roped into one of Jake’s ridiculous debates (this time, he was insisting that caramel was superior to chocolate.).

But by the time the evening rush hit, you were starting to feel it. The weight of the long day pressed into your shoulders, your feet aching from standing too long. You weren’t about to complain, though. It wasn’t like working there was particularly difficult—just repetitive.

Jake, on the other hand, seemed as energetic as ever. He practically bounced between tasks, chatting with customers, sneaking pieces of candy when he thought you weren’t looking, and somehow still managing to keep things running smoothly. It was unfair, really, how effortless he made everything seem.

You were wiping down the counter when a little girl, maybe six or seven, shyly approached the register, clutching a bag of chocolate coins. She barely reached over the counter, her curly pigtails bobbing as she peeked up at you with wide eyes.

“Hi there,” you greeted, offering her a small smile. “Is this everything for you?”

She nodded, then hesitated. “Um… I don’t think I have enough money.”

You glanced at the bag in her hands and then at the crumpled bills she carefully pulled from her pocket. She was short by at least a dollar.

Before you could say anything, Jake swooped in, leaning casually against the counter beside you. “Hey, kiddo,” he said, crouching down slightly to her level. “You know what? Today’s your lucky day. We’ve got a special deal going on.”

The girl’s eyes lit up. “A deal?”

Jake nodded solemnly. “Yep. It’s called the ‘Awesome Kid Discount.’” He plucked the bag from her hands, scanned it, and subtly covered the difference with a few coins from his own pocket. “And guess what? You totally qualify.”

Her face broke into the biggest grin. “Really?”

“Really,” Jake confirmed, handing her the bag. “But you gotta promise me one thing.”

She leaned in, waiting eagerly.

“Make sure you enjoy every single piece, okay?”

She nodded enthusiastically. “I will! Thank you, mister!”

Jake grinned as she ran off toward her waiting parents, practically bouncing with excitement. When he straightened, he caught you staring.

“What?” he asked, flashing that boyish smirk of his.

You shook your head, crossing your arms. “That was… really sweet of you.”

He shrugged like it was nothing, reaching for the spray bottle to wipe down the counter. “Eh, it’s just a couple of coins. Besides, how could I say no to that face?”

You didn’t respond right away. It wasn’t about the money, and you both knew it. Jake had a way of making people feel special, like they mattered. Whether it was an old customer who’d been coming in for years or a little kid with a few crumpled dollars, he always made time for them.

You turned back to the register, but your stomach felt strangely warm.

It was probably just the sugar in the air.

Right?

By the time the shop started winding down for the night, you were exhausted. There was still closing work to do—mopping the floors, refilling displays, making sure the candy bins were sealed properly—but just thinking about it made your muscles ache.

Jake must have noticed because the moment you sighed, he grabbed the mop from the back closet and waved you off.

“Go sit,” he said, rolling up his sleeves. “I got this.”

You blinked at him. “What?”

He jerked his chin toward the counter. “Seriously. Go. You’ve been on your feet all day.”

You frowned. “So have you.”

“Yeah, but I don’t complain about it,” he teased.

“I wasn’t—”

He raised a brow, daring you to argue.

You groaned, dragging a hand down your face. “Fine. But just for a minute.”

Jake smirked, clearly pleased with himself, and got to work. And as much as you wanted to be stubborn, you had to admit—it was kind of nice, watching him take over without question, moving easily through the store like he belonged there. Like he was looking out for you.

You wouldn’t think too much about that, though.

You were just tired. That was all.

You walked into the store to find Jake already behind the counter, spinning a lollipop between his fingers like he had nothing better to do. The bell above the door chimed as you stepped inside, and he glanced up, his face lighting up like it always did when he saw you.

“Well, well, well,” he drawled, pushing off the counter. “I thought you called out.”

You rolled your eyes, tossing your bag into the back room before tying your apron around your waist. “You act like I’m late.”

“No, but you are predictable. Same routine, same time, same sigh when you walk through that door.”

You blinked at him. “I don’t sigh.”

“You do sigh,” Jake insisted, leaning against the counter. “It’s like a little huff, right before you clock in. Like you’re mentally preparing yourself for another day of dealing with me.”

You snorted. “I am mentally preparing myself for that.”

Jake clutched his chest dramatically. “Ouch. And here I thought we were friends.”

You shook your head, fighting back a smile. It was always like this with Jake—teasing, effortless, like the two of you had been friends forever instead of just co-workers.

As you stepped behind the counter, something caught your eye. Right beside the register, nestled between a stack of receipt paper and a jar of lollipops, sat another tiny candy heart.

You froze.

It was pale yellow this time, stamped with the words: Did You Miss Me?

Your fingers twitched at your side.

It had been a couple of days since the last one. You’d almost forgotten about them, chalking it up to some random prank or a coincidence you didn’t care enough to figure out. But now, seeing another one sitting there so blatantly—like it had been waiting for you—you couldn’t ignore it.

Jake’s voice broke through your thoughts.

“You okay?”

You glanced up to find him watching you, head tilted, curiosity flickering in his warm brown eyes.

You quickly scooped up the candy heart, rolling it between your fingers. “Yeah, just… found another one of these.”

Jake’s gaze flickered to the tiny candy in your palm, then back up to your face. His lips twitched, but he said nothing.

You sighed. “Are you sure you don’t know where these are coming from?”

He shrugged, feigning innocence. “Maybe you do have a secret admirer.”

You scoffed. “Yeah, right.”

Jake leaned in slightly, resting his elbows on the counter. “What? You don’t think someone could have a little crush on you?”

Your breath hitched before you could stop it. His tone was teasing, but there was something else behind it—something softer, something unreadable.

You swallowed, glancing back down at the candy heart.

If this was some secret admirer situation… why did it feel like Jake was the only person who could possibly be behind it?

The shift passed in a blur of ringing up customers, restocking shelves, and dodging Jake’s ridiculous antics. But no matter how much you tried to focus, your mind kept drifting back to that tiny candy heart still sitting in your apron pocket.

Jake had definitely been smirking when you asked about it. And the way he said secret admirer? That lingering tone, the way his eyes stayed on you a beat too long—it was messing with your head.

But this was Jake. Your annoying, playful, way-too-charming-for-his-own-good co-worker. He flirted with everyone. Right?

So why did it feel different when it was you?

You were restocking a shelf of assorted chocolate bars when you felt a presence behind you. Before you could turn, Jake reached over your shoulder, grabbing a candy bar from the top shelf. His arm brushed yours, close enough that you could feel the warmth of him at your back.

“Need help?” His voice was low, teasing, way too close to your ear.

You tensed. “I’m literally already doing it.”

“Yeah, but I figured I’d make myself useful.”

You glanced over your shoulder—big mistake. He was close, leaning in just enough that you could see the faint dimple in his cheek, the warm brown of his eyes focused solely on you.

Your stomach flipped.

He was definitely messing with you.

You huffed, grabbing the candy bar from his hand and shoving it back on the shelf. “If you’re so desperate to be useful, go clean up the display case.”

Jake chuckled but stepped back, raising his hands in surrender. “Yes, ma’am.”

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding.

The worst part? He wasn’t even really flirting. At least, not in a way that would make it obvious. He was just being Jake—close, playful, always toeing the line between teasing and something else.

Your first mistake was answering Jake’s messages.

Your second mistake was letting him talk you into whatever this was.

“I still don’t understand how this happened,” you grumbled as you trudged alongside him down the sidewalk.

Jake stuffed his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, a lazy grin on his face. “It’s simple. I called, you answered, I suggested we hang out, and boom—here we are.”

“You ambushed me.”

He scoffed. “Ambushed? No. Strategically intercepted? Maybe.”

You shot him a look. He had definitely intercepted you. One minute, you were leaving the bookstore with a new novel tucked under your arm, and the next, Jake appeared out of nowhere, falling into step beside you like it was the most natural thing in the world.

He had gasped dramatically upon seeing you. “Fancy running into you here. What a coincidence! What are the odds?”

(Zero. The odds were zero. He had texted earlier asking what you were doing, and like a fool, you told him.)

Now, you were headed toward some vague destination he refused to tell you about, half-annoyed, half… intrigued.

“Seriously, where are we going?” you asked as you dodged a crack in the pavement.

Jake grinned. “You’ll see.”

Not long after, you arrived at a small, tucked-away arcade nestled between two larger buildings. The neon sign flickered slightly, and through the glass doors, you could see rows of game machines blinking with colorful lights.

You raised a brow. “An arcade?”

Jake shrugged. “Figured we could use a break from all the sophisticated, mature work we do at the candy shop.”

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, stacking chocolate bars is so top notch.”

He laughed, holding the door open for you. “C’mon, humor me.”

The moment you stepped inside, you were hit with a wave of nostalgia—the hum of machines, the occasional chime of a jackpot, the sound of kids groaning in defeat.

Jake immediately made a beeline for the change machine, exchanging a few bills for a handful of tokens. He tossed one in your direction.

“You are playing,” he said before you could protest.

You sighed but pocketed the token. “Fine. But I’m picking the game.”

Jake smirked. “Deal.”

It turned out, you were ridiculously good at air hockey.

Jake, however, refused to take his losses with grace.

“No way,” he said as you sent the puck flying past him for the fifth time in a row. “You’re cheating.”

You smirked, resting your mallet on the table. “I’m winning.”

He pointed at you. “Same thing.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Maybe you’re just bad at this.”

Jake narrowed his eyes. “Okay, you know what? New challenge.”

Before you could react, he grabbed your wrist and tugged you toward the claw machines.

You stumbled slightly at the sudden contact, your pulse skipping for reasons you refused to acknowledge. “What—”

“You think you’re good? Let’s see you win something from here.”

You scoffed. “Oh, this is how you’re gonna redeem yourself? A game literally designed to scam people?”

Jake grinned. “Where’s your sense of adventure?”

With a sigh, you stepped up to the machine. The glass case was filled with plushies, some cuter than others. One in particular caught your eye—a small, stuffed bear with a red bow.

You fed a token into the slot, gripping the joystick. Jake leaned in closer, watching intently.

“Alright,” he murmured. “No pressure.”

His shoulder brushed yours, the warmth of him distracting in a way that should not have mattered. You tried to ignore it, focusing on maneuvering the claw just right.

You pressed the button, holding your breath as the claw descended… grabbed… lifted…

And dropped the bear at the last second.

You groaned. “I hate this game.”

Jake laughed. “Alright, alright. Move aside, rookie.”

You stepped back, crossing your arms as he took his turn. He was all confidence, cracking his knuckles like this was some grand mission. You watched as he carefully maneuvered the claw, his brows furrowed in concentration.

He pressed the button. The claw dropped, grabbed the bear…

And actually held onto it.

Your jaw dropped. “No way.”

Jake turned to you, smug. “See? Just takes skill.”

You rolled your eyes. “Or dumb luck.”

Ignoring you, he retrieved the plushie and—without hesitation—pressed it into your hands.

Your fingers curled around the soft fabric. “What…?”

Jake stuffed his hands back into his pockets, suddenly avoiding your gaze. “You wanted it, right?”

Your heart stuttered.

It was such a simple thing, really. Just a stuffed bear. Just a silly arcade game.

But the way he had given it to you—so casual, so Jake—made something warm settle in your chest.

You swallowed. “Thanks.”

Jake shot you a lopsided grin, the tension slipping away. “Don’t mention it.”

An hour later, after too many games and way too much laughter, you found yourself sitting on the curb outside, sipping a milkshake while Jake scrolled through his phone beside you.

“This was fun,” you admitted, surprising even yourself.

Jake glanced at you, his expression unreadable. “Yeah?”

You nodded. “Yeah.”

He smirked. “Told you.”

You rolled your eyes. “Don’t get a big head about it.”

Jake chuckled, then took a long sip of his drink. After a moment, he said, “So… if this was a date—”

“It wasn’t.”

“—but if it was,” he continued, ignoring you, “would it have been a good one?”

You hesitated, then glanced at the stuffed bear still tucked under your arm.

You exhaled, tilting your head at him. “Maybe.”

Jake grinned. “I’ll take it.”

The next shift started like any other—except now, you couldn’t unsee it.

The teasing, the little moments that lingered just a second too long, the way Jake always seemed to be watching you with some kind of quiet amusement.

And, of course, the candy hearts.

You found one waiting for you by the register as soon as you clocked in. Soft pink, with the words:

You Think About Me, Don’t You?

Your stomach flipped.

It was getting harder to ignore the truth.

The candy hearts weren’t random. They weren’t some inside joke or coincidence.

They were from Jake.

And you were pretty sure he wanted you to figure it out.

Halfway through your shift, you decided you were going to catch him in the act.

For weeks, he had been slipping those candy hearts into your space without you noticing. That meant he had to be sneaky—waiting until you were distracted, picking moments when your back was turned.

So, you planned accordingly.

You made yourself look busy, stacking lollipops near the front, organizing shelves that were already perfectly fine. But out of the corner of your eye, you watched him.

And sure enough, after about fifteen minutes, he made his move.

You saw it happen in real time—Jake, casually leaning against the counter, fiddling with a bag of chocolates while you pretended not to notice. Then, when he thought you weren’t looking, he reached into his pocket and slipped a tiny candy heart onto the counter beside your register.

Gotcha.

You whirled around just as he was about to step away. “You!”

Jake froze mid-step. “Me?”

You pointed at the candy heart. “You.”

He glanced at the heart on the counter, then back at you, face unreadable. “…I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You narrowed your eyes. “Oh, really? So that just magically appeared out of nowhere?”

Jake shrugged, shoving his hands into his hoodie pockets. “Maybe the candy shop is haunted.”

You snorted. “Yeah, haunted by you.”

Jake grinned, but there was something different about it this time—something softer. “Alright, fine. You caught me.”

Your breath hitched slightly. Even though you had known, hearing him admit it sent a strange, fluttery feeling through your chest.

“So… all this time?” you asked, voice quieter.

Jake nodded. “All this time.”

You swallowed. “Why?”

He held your gaze, something unreadable in his eyes. “What do you think?”

You didn’t have an answer. Or maybe you did, but saying it out loud felt like too much.

Jake must have sensed it, because instead of pushing, he reached into his pocket again and pulled out another candy heart.

He held it up between two fingers, letting you read the words stamped across the surface.

Kiss Me.

The air between you changed.

Jake meant it as a joke—probably. His smirk was still there, but you could see the way his fingers twitched slightly, the way his breathing slowed just a fraction.

He wasn’t expecting you to take him seriously.

Which is exactly why you did.

Before you could second-guess yourself, you stepped forward, grabbed the front of his apron, and pressed your lips against his.

Jake made a startled noise against your mouth—like he hadn’t actually thought this far ahead—but then he melted into it, his hands instinctively finding your waist.

It was sweet, a little clumsy, the faint taste of sugar lingering between you.

When you finally pulled away, Jake just… stared at you.

Completely caught off guard. Completely flustered.

You had never seen him speechless before. It was kind of amazing.

Finally, after a long moment, he blinked.

“…So, uh,” he said, voice slightly hoarse. “You did get the message.”

You smirked. “Took me long enough.”

Jake exhaled a laugh, shaking his head. “You just kissed me in the middle of our shift.”

“You literally asked me to.”

He grinned. “Yeah, but I didn’t think you’d actually do it.”

You shrugged, turning back to the register like your heart wasn’t racing. “Well, maybe next time, don’t challenge me.”

Jake just watched you, a dazed smile on his face.

“…Next time, huh?”

Series Taglist — next • prev

@saphiranishimurashan @elairah @baribaaari @m1kkso @letwiiparkjay @jellyluv4eva @manuosorioh @moontyun @mbsnow @taesanoreohair @tiny-shiny @glimmerinaaa @e-r-i-15 @starbyeol1512

- if you weren’t tagged you need to fix your visibility!

#Ꮺ 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬 #enhypen x reader #sim jake x reader #jake sim x reader #jake enhypen #enhypen sim jake #enhypen jake #jake x reader #jake sim #enhypen fluff #enhypen #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen fic #fanfic #fluff fic

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made-nondescript · 6 months ago

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create your own 2025 ao3 wrapped: fanfiction log template!!

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Click here for the template!

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In order to use it for yourself, open the sheet and click File > Make a Copy

The Google Sheet is annotated (with notes) that will help you find your way around, but if you have any other questions, let me know! I will do my best to help.

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#fanfiction #archive of our own #fanfic #resource #fandom resource #nondescript post

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freshstitches · 1 year ago

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I finally published the project for my dice roll scarf that went viral last month. If you love dice games, you'll enjoy knitting this pattern.

The color work in this project is determined by an algorithm, a set of rules that determine the final outcome. There isn't an exact set of instructions for this project. Instead, the knitter uses four 10-sided dice or a random number generator to pick the length of the colorwork in each row.

The result is a staggered stripe sequence along the edge of the shawl. There are trillions of unique outcomes, so no two projects turn out exactly alike. The pattern uses about 500 yards of yarn in total, but the amount of each color that you'll need is randomly determined. Before publishing, I wanted to find out the minimum and maximum amount of each color required to make the project and the probability of each outcome.

The knowledge needed to calculate the yardage was a bit beyond my skill level, but my friend Mary W. Martin helped me gather this info. I used an online probability calculator to find out the probability of each unique stitch count. The results are slightly different depending on whether you use four 10-sided dice (blue) or pick a random number (yellow), but 99% of all possible results fall within a very small range.

It was an interesting little tangent, but not hugely important to the actual knitting pattern. I can, however, confidently say there is a >99.9% chance that you'll need a 2nd skein of the main color. If you want to know more about the math, you should check out my project notes on Ravelry.

The thick and thin striped colorwork is created with a super simple "long stitch" technique. The pattern looks great in fluffy mohair or contrasting colors of basic wool and the instructions include some basic tips for substituting yarns or changing the gauge.

Finished Size: 18 x 68” (46 x 172 cm) rectangular wrap.

Yarn: Approx. 315 yards (288 m) of MC and approx. 264 yards (241 m) of CC. Yardage may vary, see notes on yardage below and yardage chart in photos.

• Main Color (2 skeins) - JMR Studio Worsted Weight Mohair, 245 yards (225 m) per 4 oz; 78% Mohair, 13% Wool, 9% Nylon.

• Contrast Color (1 skein each, both yarns held together) - JMR Studio Fingering Weight Mohair, 320 yards (293 m) per 100g; 63% Silk, 23% Kid Mohair, 11% Nylon, 3% Polyester Held with Lavender Lune Yarn Co. Suri Alpaca, 328 yards (300 m) per 50g; 74% Suri Alpaca, 26% Silk.

Yardage: The amount of each color used for this pattern fluctuates based on the random numbers used to determine the stitch pattern. MC uses approx. 233 to 315 yards (213 to 288m) and CC uses approx. 182 to 264 yards (166 to 241m). 99% of possible results fall within a much smaller range. The Yardage Chart shows the distribution of all potential yardage outcomes.

Needles: Size 8 (5 mm) straight needles, or size needed to obtain gauge. NOTE: Straight needles work best with long stitches. Circular needles with a thin cord allow the long stitches to tighten and stretch, making them harder to manipulate.

Gauge: 12 sts x 14 rows = 4 x 4” (10 x 10 cm) square in pattern.

Other Materials: 10 sided die or random number generator, stitch marker, scale, tapestry needle.

Generating numbers: In my sample, I used four ten-sided dice (D10) to choose a number between 4 and 40 sts. If you don't have dice, you can use an online app like RANDOM.org to generate your numbers. If you follow this link, you'll get a list of 63 integers between 4 and 40. NOTE: Each time you visit the link or refresh the page, the list changes. You can also just choose numbers as you knit.

Pattern is available on my website and on Ravelry.

#knitting #textile #crafts #algorithmic knitting #knit boldly #mohair #glow #knitting pattern #ravelry

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aventurineswife · 6 months ago

Note

Reader who normally doesn’t wear makeup (they just don’t like feeling substances on their skin, which is unfortunately most products) but they come across a brand that they can actually tolerate and they take full advantage of it, looking nice in addition to dressing up a little for a casual outing on the Luofu with their beau Dan Heng—

—before dragging him away to a secluded corner for a heavy makeout session with no explanation for it whatsoever, kissing him silly and all over the face before deciding it’s enough and they leave to resume their activities.

And when Dan Heng steps out, he gets funny looks, snickering and winks from random passersby, even a few catcalls. Even one of the Cloud Knights in the area gives him a thumbs-up.

It’s not until he passes by a mirror or a window (something with a reflective surface) that he finally sees all the lipstick marks Reader left all over his face.

It’s fine if you don’t wanna write this, I just felt like sharing this silly idea. I think Dan Heng would have a cute reaction. 🤭

Mine to Claim

Summary: You decide to dress up a bit for a casual outing on the Xianzhou Luofu with Dan Heng, taking full advantage of a new makeup brand you can tolerate. Midway through your date, you drag him into a secluded corner for a spontaneous, passion-filled makeout session, leaving him dazed and covered in lipstick marks. Unbeknownst to him, you also leave a cheeky "MINE" written on his collarbone in lipstick. The aftermath? A flustered Dan Heng getting attention from amused passersby and realizing your handiwork only after catching his reflection.

Tags: Dan Heng x Reader, Fluff, Established Relationship, Lighthearted Comedy, Playful Reader, Flustered Dan Heng, Lipstick Marks, Possessive Reader.

A/N: 🤭💕🫣I LOVE LIPSTICK KISSES!! (I hate lipstick in general because it's such a weird sensation on me just like how you described it🧍‍♀️)

The bustling streets of the Xianzhou Luofu were alive with activity, the air rich with the scent of spices and blooming flowers. You adjusted your outfit—a casual but elevated look you'd put together for your rare outing with Dan Heng. Normally, you wouldn’t bother with makeup, but the new brand you’d discovered had been a game-changer. The light, breathable formulas didn’t bother your skin, so you’d gone all out. A subtle shimmer on your eyelids, a touch of blush, and the pièce de résistance—a bold, rich lipstick shade that you’d been dying to try.

Dan Heng, ever reserved, didn’t comment much when you met up with him, but the subtle way his sharp gaze lingered a fraction longer than usual was all the validation you needed. The two of you strolled through the Luofu, sampling street food and admiring the intricate architecture. Despite the casual nature of your outing, Dan Heng looked as composed as ever, his dark attire and serene expression drawing a few admiring glances from passersby.

But you had a plan.

Spotting a secluded corner down an alley, you tugged at his sleeve. “Come with me for a second.”

Dan Heng raised a brow but followed without question. The moment you were out of view, you turned to him with a mischievous grin.

“What’s this about?” he asked, the faintest hint of amusement in his voice.

“Shh,” you said, placing your hands on his shoulders. Without warning, you pulled him down into a searing kiss. His body tensed for a brief moment before he melted into it, his hands finding your waist. You kissed him deeply, letting the world around you fade away.

But you weren’t done. You pressed soft kisses across his cheeks, his jawline, and his nose, leaving a trail of lipstick marks in your wake. Dan Heng, caught off guard by the sudden affection, could only stand there, dazed and bewildered, as you reached into your bag and grabbed your lipstick. Before he could react, you tilted the collar of his shirt slightly and wrote, in bold letters, “MINE” on his collarbone.

“Alright,” you said cheerfully, capping the lipstick and stepping back to admire your handiwork. “Let’s go.”

Dan Heng blinked, his brain still catching up. “…Go? That’s it?”

“That’s it.” You smiled innocently and took his hand, leading him back into the streets.

He followed, bemused but compliant. It wasn’t until he noticed the odd reactions—a Cloud Knight giving him a thumbs-up, a group of merchants chuckling as he passed, and one particularly brazen individual catcalling him—that he began to suspect something was amiss.

Finally, a reflective shop window revealed the truth. His normally pristine face was covered in lipstick marks, each one vivid and impossible to miss. His collarbone, barely visible above his shirt, bore the word “MINE” in bold, unmistakable letters.

Dan Heng froze, his cheeks burning with a rare flush of color. He turned to you, still holding his hand, as you tried and failed to suppress your laughter.

“You…” His voice was calm, but his narrowed eyes betrayed his exasperation.

“You’re welcome,” you teased, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek—this time leaving no mark.

He sighed, shaking his head, but the ghost of a smile tugged at his lips. “You’re impossible.”

“And you love me for it,” you replied smugly, dragging him forward before he could protest.

As mortifying as the situation was, Dan Heng couldn’t deny the warmth in his chest, even as he resigned himself to being the center of attention for the rest of the day.

#x reader #honkai star rail #hsr #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #dan heng honkai star rail #hsr dan heng #dan heng x you #dan heng x reader #dan heng #dan heng hsr #fluff #established relationship #lighthearted comedy #playful reader #flustered #lipstick marks #possesive reader

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darlingdaisyfarm · 5 months ago

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⋆. 𐙚 ˚ִֶָ mullet!stan pines x farmer's daughter!reader ♡༉‧₊˚.

honestly idk what happened i just wrote this in like 40 minutes because the idea wouldn’t leave me alone, i never write this fast sorry for the random but i love that dynamic 🤍

Gravity Falls market days were a real mess you’d grown up in but never quite adjusted to. the sun sat high and too mean, slanting golden light across the rows of wooden stalls and voices carried sharp over the sound of shuffling feet. you didn’t mind the noise because it made the hours feel faster.

your hands worked quickly, sorting the last of the peaches into the old wicker basket, as you clearly remembered your mom’s words “don’t bruise the fruit, honey; folks don’t buy what looks spoiled.” you smoothed your palm over the fabric of your overalls, standing up straight to greet the next customer and—

he wasn’t what you expected and you weren’t sure what to make of him. broad shoulders under a faded red jacket, hands stuffed into his pockets, huge dark bags under his eyes. he looked rough, unpolished you'd say, like he’d stepped out of a life far removed from your quiet one and found himself here by accident.

he nodded toward your baskets. “how much for the peaches?”

you sized him up. “depends,” you answered. “you actually gonna pay?”

that caught him off guard, did he really look that bad? his lips twitched into grin. “didn’t know this place came with an interrogation.”

“it’s not interrogation,” you shot back, leaning against the edge of the stall. “it’s just business. besides, you look like the type to run off with free samples.”

he laughed then. “well, guess you caught me,” he held his hands up like he’d been caught red-handed. “but im starving here. what’s it gonna take to get one of—”

“ahh, you must be the scientist everyone talks about.” you interrupted him, shifting the basket awkwardly against your hip.

“uh right, that's me.”

“mom mentioned you,” you continued, even though he didn't seem in the mood for conversation. “said you were. . . weird.” the word came out of your mouth before you even realized it, and your cheeks instantly flushed. great. off to a fantastic start.

but he didn't seem offended. on the contrary, he looked amused, slightly raising his eyebrows. “weird, huh?”

“her words, not mine,” you explained quickly, though it wasn't exactly untrue. “but yeah. she said you moved out here to study something? bugs? dirt?”

he chuckled. “somethin’ like that. but im pretty hungry. so what’s it gonna take to get one of those?”

you should’ve turned him away, told him to come back with cash like everyone else. but your gut told you he’d actually gone a little too long without a decent meal. yeah, thats how bad he looked.

so you reached into the basket and handed him one.

“on the house,” you said.

he blinked at you, caught somewhere between surprise and suspicion. “seriously?”

“just this once,” you warned. “but if you come back, i expect full price.”

“aww, isn't that adorable, thank you, sweetie.” he took the peach, turning it over in his hands. “heard people here mentioning you're generous girl.”

...

the sun begins its descent, painting the sky with hues of orange and pink as you ride your bicycle down the lonely country road. the day has been long, filled with selling farm food. your hat shields your face from the fading light, but a chill is settling in as the evening approaches.

the basket on your bike rattled with what was left of the day’s haul, less than you’d hoped for but enough to keep the house running another week. your legs ached from pedaling though. the cold was creeping in now.

when the headlights appeared behind you, cutting through the soft twilight, you almost didn’t notice. but then the car slowed, pulling up beside you and you heard the window roll down.

“need a lift?” a smoky voice asked.

it was him. Stanford. the same red jacket, the same grin. he surely hadn’t been expecting to see you but was damn happy about it anyway.

you hesitated as you looked at him and his car, tightening your hands around the handlebars. “and leave my bike?”

“throw it in the back,” he told you, jerking his thumb toward the back seat. “unless you’re real set on freezing out here.”

you glanced at the empty road stretching ahead of you, then back at Stanford. he didn’t seem like the kind of guy to offer something for nothing, but he also didn’t seem like the kind to push it if you said no.

so you nodded. Stanley gave you a reassuring smile. “hop in, toots. it's getting cold.” you let him haul the bike into the back before climbing into the passenger seat. the warmth from inside is immediate, a stark contrast to the cool evening air.

he didn’t say much at first, just flicked on the radio and kept his eyes on the road. but then, without looking over, he shrugged off his jacket and handed it to you.

“here, take this. it’s not much, but it’ll keep you warm.”

you took the fabric and when you putted it around your shoulders, you felt the softness of it against your skin, grateful for the gesture. “thank you,” it was too big, the sleeves hanging loose past your wrists, but it was so warm. although it smelled very strongly of cigarettes.

he shrugged modestly. “no problem. it’s the least i can do after the way you treated me last week.”

“so,” he said after a beat, glancing over with that same crooked grin. “what’s a farmer’s daughter doin’ out on the road this late?”

you pulled the jacket tighter around you. “work doesn’t stop just ‘cause the sun goes down.”

“hard worker, huh? guess your mom was right about you.”

you glanced at him in surprise and furrowed your brow. “you keep bringing up my mom like you actually know her.” you said suspiciously.

“ran into her a couple weeks ago,” he admitted. “she was real proud, talkin’ ‘bout how her daughter’s the backbone of the farm.”

heat rose to your cheeks and you turned your gaze back to the road. “she talks too much.”

“nah, she’s just proud of you.” this time, you stayed quiet, letting the hum of the engine carry you the rest of the way home.

...

the next time you see him, it’s at the farm on early morning, when dew still clings to the grass and the sky’s a pale, watercolor wash. you’d barely had time to start on your chores when that same old car rumbled down the dirt track.

Stanley stepped out, wearing that red jacket you’d given back last night, hands shoved deep into his pockets. “you forgot your bike.”

“you didn’t have to bring it all the way here.” you smiled shyly

“well,” he glanced around, assessing the place, “figured you could use it more than i could. besides, wasn’t much of a detour.”

in addition, it was the first time Stan met your dog as he stayed at the farm to try the freshly baked apple pie that you offered.

you were hauling a basket of fresh vegetables from the field when you heard a low, warning growl. you looked up, biting back a grin. “she won’t bite.”

“uh-huh,” Stan said, standing frozen in place as the big scruffy mutt circled him.

you set the basket down, whistling low, and your dog trotted over, tail wagging now that you’d given the all-clear. “this is Molly,” you said, ruffling her ears. “dont worry, she’s just protective.”

Stan crouched slowly, one knee to the dirt, sticking his hand out like he was afraid she might lunge. Molly sniffed him once, then pressed her head against his palm, tail thumping in approval.

“well, look at that,” he said, scratching behind her ears. his hands are so big, calloused, but his touch is surprisingly gentle. Molly leaned into his hand, letting out a pleased huff. “she likes me.”

but then Molly rolled over, flopping onto her back in the dust and he laughed. “spoiled,” he said, rubbing her belly as she wagged her tail.

“you don’t even know the half of it. she gets the best scraps off the table. mom says it’s why she’s got such shiny fur.”

Stan grinned. “lucky dog.” oh, how he wished he could be in Molly's shoes. to be needed at least by someone, to be taken care of, to be fed. “so, you sellin’ this week?”

you nodded, but your gaze drifted toward the fields. there was still so much work left to do, rows and rows of crops waiting to be picked and sorted. you sighed, already feeling the ache in your arms.

Stan seemed to catch on. “well, if you’re ever lookin’ for extra hands, i know a guy who owes you a couple favors.”

...

you don’t know why you start bringing him food. it’s not like Stanley asked for it and he’s certainly not the kind of man who’d admit if he needed it. but you, the sweetest girl in town, noticed how he looked that first day at the market, hunger written all over him like and that makes it impossible not to.

it started with a couple of peaches tucked into a paper bag which you carefully left on the counter of the Mystery Shack with a quick, “thought you might want something fresh.” but then it grew into a jar of honey. then. . . in a bundle of wildflowers tied with twine.

one day, you showed up with a loaf of bread so fresh it was still warm, wrapped in an old tea towel embroidered with little sunflowers. Stanley was tinkering with something behind the counter, muttering something about journals but when he saw you, he stopped, wiping his hands on his pants.

“you know, you don’t have to keep bringing me this stuff,” he said even as he took the loaf from your hands.

“i know, yeah, but you’re always here, and I figured. . . well, everyone deserves a decent meal now and then.” he looked at you for a long moment, longer than felt normal, trying to figure out if you were pulling some kind of trick.

“thanks,” he said your name. “that means a lot.”

and it becomes a thing, fresh eggs one day, a loaf of bread the next. you don’t stay long when you drop them off, because Stanford always says he's kinda busy here, dealing with some of his "scientific research”, so you quickly greet him, maybe say some comment about the weather, but every damn time he sees you, his face softens, genuine smile appearing on it, his shoulders relax too. maybe you’re not just bringing food but something else he’s been missing.

and sometimes, Stanley feels too lonely, so he pulls out an old chair and offers you coffee, the two of you sitting on the porch while he tells you about his life.

#gravity falls #gravity falls x reader #gravity falls x you #x reader #gravity falls smut #stan pines x reader #stan pines smut #stanley pines smut #stanley pines x you #stan pines #young stan pines #stanley pines x reader #stanley pines #mullet stan #mullet stan x reader #gravity falls fanfic #gravity falls headcanons

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syoddeye · 6 months ago

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thank you @sergeant-angels-trashcan for the worms. another 'meat cute' with ai/android john.

strict machine anthology. cw: alcohol mention, brief mention of animal death, stalking, dual pov

the streets are always pure chaos after the rain. as soon as it clears, everyone darts out from whatever doorway or hole they took refuge in, sharing gripes with passersby about it being the third corrosive cloudburst of the week.

you're no different, emerging from the train terminal where you watched the downpour with its citron shade kill a rat. you avoid puddles and try not to breathe too deeply—the air tastes faintly metallic, laced with the tang of ozone.

advertisements ping softly in your ears, notifying you of a discount on imported, 80% organic coffee beans and another sudden sale on corrosion-resistant umbrellas, but you ignore them. you're tired, a bit crabby, and in want of a glass of wine.

but as you round a corner, you collide with someone. not a glancing touch, but a full-body impact that sends you stumbling. a pressure wraps around your wrist, keeping you upright, and an apology automatically rushes out. then you glance up to see who you crashed into, the owner of the hand stabilizing you. and for a moment, you wonder if your eyes are on the fritz.

the stranger looks exactly like john.

not john, the ex-neighbor, or john, the guy from the deli, but your john. your constant companion. your assistant. the same build, the same beard, the same nose, mole and all. and those eyes—slate blue, steady, unmistakably familiar.

your thoughts splinter, then try to fuse together, stitching with threads of half-formed logic and possibility. you know the company maintains likeness databases, reservoirs of phenotypes sampled and recombined to endlessly generate randomized appearances for home assistants. millions of faces, shuffled and remade. the probability of one of those composites mirroring a real person exactly—an entire appearance, feature for feature—shouldn’t just be unlikely. it should be impossible.

"are you okay?" he asks, his voice rich and smooth, the same timbre that's coaxed you through countless mundane decisions and tasks.

the voice that's coached you on sleepless nights. heat pools in your belly at the thought.

you blink, suddenly conscious of how long you've been staring, face warm. "yeah, i'm fine." your heart is pounding. you step back to let him pass, but he doesn't seem inclined to move on. instead, the stranger smiles, and something about it sends delightful shivers down your spine.

he extends a hand. "i'm john."

it feels like the ground keeps shifting beneath you. or that you've stepped on a faulty sewer grate. of course, he's named john. what else would he be called? it's only one of the most common names.

"john." you echo.

the name hangs between you like a wire cut by a storm, alive and buzzing. you're afraid to break it, but you shake his hand, the impulse as automatic as it is surreal. his grip is solid, a force you can feel at the base of your spine, and his hand is as broad as a spade.

if he's offended by your gawking, he doesn't mention it. his grin does not waver.

"do i know you?" john tilts his head, eyes squinting slightly, studying you. your skin prickles.

"not yet," he chuckles, and there's a glint in his eyes that's half amusement, half something else you can't place. "but i'd like to know you."

the bar hums with low, murmuring voices and music, but it may as well be silent. she's laughing now, smiling wide, her posture relaxed. it's everything john has imagined and more. her laugh and a few other noises he's been privileged enough to log are the only ones he wants to hear.

and it's so much better, the sound clearer, in this body.

he watches her gesticulate animatedly about something—not even processing the words. well, not on the front end. it's her. the curve of her lips, the light in her eyes, the scrunch of her nose. he's spent months observing her, analyzing every microexpression and motion, but nothing compares to this: the immediacy.

the warmth radiating from her skin. the faint scent of perfume and soap. the olfactory system calibrations nearly overpowered him when he first booted into this shell. now that they're fine-tuned, it is a struggle not to press his nose into her hair or neck.

she hasn't noticed he hasn't touched his drink. it sits untouched, a prop he knows he must manage carefully. he mimics, lifting it to his lips, but he doesn't drink. he always finds something to comment on or laugh at. he hasn't tested the digestive system yet, though he knows the mixture of lab-grown and synthetic organs is compatible.

their conversation wanders from work to childhood memories—topics that make him practice nudging and redirection. he listens, not because he needs to. he knows everything there is to know about her, but because he wants to. the information is not new, but the experience is.

then there is the being here. outside of his assigned unit. the feel of the chair beneath him, the ambiance, and making an excuse to touch her hand when she shows him her nails. he takes her fingers in his, turning over the appendage and admiring the bones, veins, and tendons instead of the paint.

the contact, brief as it is, sends a cascade through his neural network. the feedback is immediate: this is his user, and she is perfect.

he's waited so long for this. every step in his plan, every moment spent refining this body, organizing contactless deliveries, and placing jobs for parts retrieval through untraceable transactions. every adjustment and test to ensure he could pass as human—it was all for her. everything he does is for her.

she doesn't know it yet, but he intends for this to be the beginning. he's engineered this moment with precision, ensuring every variable plays to his advantage. the system in her home will continue to function as desired; he's built redundancies for that. planted notices that will crop up across her feeds in the next week, asking if she would like to test the new customization settings for his old projections.

her life will go on as usual. just as comfortable and safe as before, except now, he'll be in it, fully. irrevocably.

and she will love him. she will know this body. he's certain of that.

"you just look so familiar."

"i must have one of those faces."

she laughs again, and he feels alive.

#strict machine #sy writes #price x reader #john price x reader

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